Saturday, February 21, 2015

6/52 Happy

There is something about this place and its traditions that are magical. When we miss a Mardi Gras, I am cranky and furious. The drum lines, the kids in ladders, the huge crowd that is always happy and never unruly...I love it all.

Friday, February 20, 2015

5/52 Small

It's hard to remember she's only three. She'll remind you she's three AND A HALF. She thinks that is another age. Like turning 4 or 5.

She loves to help. Never EVER tell her she is too small to do something.

Thursday, February 19, 2015

4/52 A Part of Me

"To me, you are still nothing more than a little boy who is just like a hundred thousand other little boys. And I have no need of you. And you, on your part, have no need of me. To you I am nothing more than a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But if you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world..."

Antoine de Saint-ExupéryThe Little Prince

These figurines were spotted in a small store in Paris and bought years later as the cake toppers for our wedding cake. They sit on a shelf in our bedroom and put smiles on our faces. 

But then, looking at a wider picture of the shelves, it is filled with things that are a part of us. Representations of our love and life together. 

A statue of a girl pulling a boy up or a boy holding up a girl, depending on the day. 
Candle holders that were bought on our first trip to Greece 11 years ago that we split up so each of us could have one and weren't reunited until we moved into together after getting married. 
Two little crystal turtles. 
People playing in the rain together, a piece of art bought on our second trip to Greece in 2013

Everything here is a part of us. 

Friday, January 23, 2015

3/52 Light

A dinner guest brought us some lovely flowers and Zoe snuggled in a perfect spot on the couch...

50mm ISO 1200 f1.8  1/125sec

50mm  ISO 500 f3.2 1/640s

Friday, January 16, 2015

2/52 Storytelling

I'm of the belief that all pictures tell a story, but some just melt my heart!

Nikon D80,  50mm , manual, ISO 1250 f1.8

Monday, January 12, 2015

The End of an Era...

OK, that may be a little dramatic. But the truth is, I've been pregnant or nursing for over 4 years.

When I say it out loud it initially strikes me as a long time, but I only have two kids and women with more would tally up those years quickly. For 6 of those months I was pregnant AND breastfeeding.

But, Aleko abruptly stopped nursing in November. It took me over two weeks to even be convinced he was really finished. I'd offer more than he usually nursed just in case I could, I don't know, trick him.

Natural weaning is supposed to be between 18-24+ months. It's supposed to be gradual.

On matters like this, I always go back and forth. He did just wake up one morning and stop nursing, so that's not gradual. But he was only nursing before nap and bedtime for months and was totally happy to go down without me when I wasn't there, so that's gradual.

He was very irritable in the weeks following. He so clearly wanted to be close to me. Would crawl into my lap whining and burying his head into me, but not that close...

If I offered to to nurse him - He'd cry. Or bite me. Or run away from me. Or smile and laugh at me.

The truth is I was completely unprepared and scared of weaning. There is quite a dramatic hormonal shift after weaning and I haven't been at that baseline since September 2011. What will it bring for my MS?

For the past 4 years, I've played the role of self-sacrificer well. "I can't have that medication because I'm nursing" has been my mantra. It's ok if I'm not well-rested because my babies need me. I can't wear those clothes because I can't nurse in them. It has been comfortable for me to defer things I used to do or enjoy in order to do what I thought was best for my kids.

But it has also been a way to distance myself from people. An easy way to disengage. Oh, I need to take a break from this loud party to nurse. It was guaranteed quiet time. An excuse to "selflessly" dismiss myself when I needed a moment. A re-charge.

I've put off a lot of things...Treatments for medical issues. Buying any new clothes. Addressing nagging aches and pains. Planning career moves. Paying attention to any of my needs.

Being myself seems daunting at this point. I thought I'd have more time to slowly move in that direction.  Physically sustaining another person's life through pregnancy and then simultaneously makes you more and less complete. It's a complicated relationship. You have to give up a little bit of yourself to raise young children. They just need so much from you.

Of course, I've been through this weaning journey before.

Zoe was a whole year older. She could talk to me about what upset her. I could tell her soothing words and they mattered. I worried so much that Aleko was too young to express his needs. That I wouldn't know how to comfort him. We found our way though.  Besides some extreme crankiness the first few weeks, he was fine.

He was happy with a hug after a fall, a song before bedtime, a kiss before nap. He was ready.

Sunday, January 11, 2015

1/52 Fresh

P52 is back!

Last year was a train wreck in regards to my photography. The first half of the year I didn't feel well enough to do it. The second half of the year I had a new crawler/walker who would split his face open running down the driveway if I wasn't holding his hand.

Here is the image Yannos voted for...

Freshly Popped! 

But this is the image that speaks to me...

There is nothing like eating fresh snow. 

I'm antsy for a new camera. My D80 picks up a lot of noise around 600 ISO. Now, I don't mind some noise, but during the low-light of winter, it's a bit out of control.