19/52 Home Sweet Home

Even spiders have homes!

Duh guys

Lately, Zoe responds to questions like they are the most obvious answers EVER. Be careful when you ask her questions. She will probably make you feel stupid.

Going out to dinner is a big occasion over here, because we don't do it that often. Mostly to save money, and lately to avoid being glutened (which of course, I was).

I was on the phone coordinating dinner logistics...

After I got off the phone I tried to add to the dinner excitement by asking Zoe what she was going to eat.

In her best why do I even bother voice she added...

That time I was a birth photographer...

So, we've been through lots of different times together. That time I was a wedding planner, a florist, a wedding photographer, and now, my latest dip into photography...a birth.

I think birth photography is amazing. The moments captured have such intense emotion. The feelings evoked when looking at those images are so strong.

I have always wanted to photograph a birth. But, I'm not a professional photographer. Who is going to let me just waltz right in and take some pictures of such an intimate moment?

Cue one of my best friends, Andrea. We have known each other for 15 (!) years now. We only lived in the same city for 9 months during freshman year in college and that was enough for a lifelong friendship. We've been to Paris together living on bread, cheese, and maybe a little bit of wine for a week. We've been in each others weddings. She flew all the way from San Francisco for my baby shower. She gives the best presents and has the cutest clothes. She and her husband moved to the city we live in a couple of years ago and they had their first child last weekend.

This baby was quite overdue. Like final hours, last resort before the midwives made her go to the hospital and get induced overdue.  Now we know what took him so long...he was waiting for my birthday.

I arrived at the Birth Center at 9pm on April 11th. 

Expecting a long night I brought a book, snacks, and bunch of entertainment. I joked with the midwives about the baby being born on my birthday and they were all, OK out-of-touch-knows-nothing-about-birth crazy lady - that's never happening.

Check out this gorgeousness...

So much support! 

The calmest and most peaceful laborer...

Surprised to see the head, "Oh, I guess we will be having this baby before midnight!"

One second old! 

4/11/15 at 11:00pm

Happy Family!

Staring at Daddy

Mommy bonding time

Midwife exam...

Perfect fingers!

How many hands does it take to buckle a newborn?

To me, a newborn session is all about the cute new baby, but a birth session is all about the moment and the experience.  The power and beauty of a mother in labor. The love explosion that happens after that baby is born. How lucky I am.

12/52 Shining

"This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine!

Shines on me and it shines on you,
Shows you what the power of love can do.
Shine my light both bright and clear,
Shine my light both far and near,
In every dark corner that I find,
Let my little light shine."

11/52 Reality

Aleko is participating more and more. It's harder to supervise two kids helping and these adorable moments often end in tears. Like here, since mom decided to take a picture, he pulled the whole thing down on top of him.

At least I put the camera down instead of taking the time to take another one of both of them crying and screaming while covered head to toe in frozen popsicle mix. 

10/52 Nature

The reflection in the sidewalk stopped me in my tracks the other day and I had to run inside to grab my camera. I love how the clouds melt into the sidewalk.

9/52 Shapes

In keeping with the theme from last week of finding the beauty during winter...I love the shape of our tall grass and how it paints the sky.

And we all know Aleko's favorite shape. Only to be eaten by the fistful, without even taking the time to look at them. 

8/52 Perspective

I had a surprising revelation the other day. I really don't like the winter. Or maybe THIS winter. I know this is not unique, but it was strange since I rarely complain about the weather and love the change of the seasons.

But, I am tired. Bundling and un-bundling the kids for in and out of the car...Keeping them out of the foot of piled snow by the parked car...Getting them to understand when it's appropriate to play in the snow and when it's not.

I'm often so exhausted after getting them dressed that I'm too tired to appropriately dress myself and leave with no coat on.

The wooded creek near our house is frozen and beautiful. I went there to get a new perspective on winter. The ice is powerful, but also fleeting and fragile.

If I can't enjoy the weather, at least I can appreciate the wonder.

6/52 Happy

There is something about this place and its traditions that are magical. When we miss a Mardi Gras, I am cranky and furious. The drum lines, the kids in ladders, the huge crowd that is always happy and never unruly...I love it all.

5/52 Small

It's hard to remember she's only three. She'll remind you she's three AND A HALF. She thinks that is another age. Like turning 4 or 5.

She loves to help. Never EVER tell her she is too small to do something.

4/52 A Part of Me

"To me, you are still nothing more than a little boy who is just like a hundred thousand other little boys. And I have no need of you. And you, on your part, have no need of me. To you I am nothing more than a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But if you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world..."

Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince

These figurines were spotted in a small store in Paris and bought years later as the cake toppers for our wedding cake. They sit on a shelf in our bedroom and put smiles on our faces. 



But then, looking at a wider picture of the shelves, it is filled with things that are a part of us. Representations of our love and life together. 

A statue of a girl pulling a boy up or a boy holding up a girl, depending on the day. 
Candle holders that were bought on our first trip to Greece 11 years ago that we split up so each of us could have one and weren't reunited until we moved into together after getting married. 
Two little crystal turtles. 
People playing in the rain together, a piece of art bought on our second trip to Greece in 2013

Everything here is a part of us. 

3/52 Light

A dinner guest brought us some lovely flowers and Zoe snuggled in a perfect spot on the couch...

50mm ISO 1200 f1.8  1/125sec

50mm  ISO 500 f3.2 1/640s

2/52 Storytelling

I'm of the belief that all pictures tell a story, but some just melt my heart!

Nikon D80,  50mm , manual, ISO 1250 f1.8

The End of an Era...

OK, that may be a little dramatic. But the truth is, I've been pregnant or nursing for over 4 years.

When I say it out loud it initially strikes me as a long time, but I only have two kids and women with more would tally up those years quickly. For 6 of those months I was pregnant AND breastfeeding.

But, Aleko abruptly stopped nursing in November. It took me over two weeks to even be convinced he was really finished. I'd offer more than he usually nursed just in case I could, I don't know, trick him.

Natural weaning is supposed to be between 18-24+ months. It's supposed to be gradual.

On matters like this, I always go back and forth. He did just wake up one morning and stop nursing, so that's not gradual. But he was only nursing before nap and bedtime for months and was totally happy to go down without me when I wasn't there, so that's gradual.

He was very irritable in the weeks following. He so clearly wanted to be close to me. Would crawl into my lap whining and burying his head into me, but not that close...

If I offered to to nurse him - He'd cry. Or bite me. Or run away from me. Or smile and laugh at me.

The truth is I was completely unprepared and scared of weaning. There is quite a dramatic hormonal shift after weaning and I haven't been at that baseline since September 2011. What will it bring for my MS?

For the past 4 years, I've played the role of self-sacrificer well. "I can't have that medication because I'm nursing" has been my mantra. It's ok if I'm not well-rested because my babies need me. I can't wear those clothes because I can't nurse in them. It has been comfortable for me to defer things I used to do or enjoy in order to do what I thought was best for my kids.

But it has also been a way to distance myself from people. An easy way to disengage. Oh, I need to take a break from this loud party to nurse. It was guaranteed quiet time. An excuse to "selflessly" dismiss myself when I needed a moment. A re-charge.

I've put off a lot of things...Treatments for medical issues. Buying any new clothes. Addressing nagging aches and pains. Planning career moves. Paying attention to any of my needs.

Being myself seems daunting at this point. I thought I'd have more time to slowly move in that direction.  Physically sustaining another person's life through pregnancy and then breastfeeding...it simultaneously makes you more and less complete. It's a complicated relationship. You have to give up a little bit of yourself to raise young children. They just need so much from you.

Of course, I've been through this weaning journey before.

Zoe was a whole year older. She could talk to me about what upset her. I could tell her soothing words and they mattered. I worried so much that Aleko was too young to express his needs. That I wouldn't know how to comfort him. We found our way though.  Besides some extreme crankiness the first few weeks, he was fine.

He was happy with a hug after a fall, a song before bedtime, a kiss before nap. He was ready.

1/52 Fresh

P52 is back!

Last year was a train wreck in regards to my photography. The first half of the year I didn't feel well enough to do it. The second half of the year I had a new crawler/walker who would split his face open running down the driveway if I wasn't holding his hand.

Here is the image Yannos voted for...

Freshly Popped! 

But this is the image that speaks to me...

There is nothing like eating fresh snow. 

I'm antsy for a new camera. My D80 picks up a lot of noise around 600 ISO. Now, I don't mind some noise, but during the low-light of winter, it's a bit out of control.

2014 Rewind - Halloween edition

First up...Halloween

You'd think my Halloween obsession disappeared based on the lack of Halloween spirit up in here. It didn't. I was just off enjoying it.

I desperately tried to convince Zoe that Aleko should be the Big Bad Wolf and we would be the 3 Little Pigs. She was not having it. She did not want to be a pig, but she was more than happy to tell her grandparents they should be!

They are such good sports. So we combined two fairy tales with Aleko being the center of it all.

There was only one problem. The cute wolf hat I ordered from Etsy 6 weeks before Halloween was being held hostage in a South African mail strike. Finally, the weekend before Halloween, I gave up hope and whipped up a wolf costume for him. I really wish I could say it was hard, but I did it during one nap with a grey sweat suit we already owned that barely fit him and some pieces of felt.

I used this link for inspiration, but since I was putting everything on a hood instead of making my own mask, it wasn't nearly as involved.

I hot glued the face and hand sewed the ears and paws at the ends of his sleeves and pants. I wasn't planning on making paws, but the clothes were too small for him, so it all worked out.

I hand sewed the tummy panel too. Although it was cute, it made it a pain to get on and off!

Zoe's costume was an old dress of mine and a store-bought cape (thanks Gymboree).

As for Yannos and I.

Yannos had specifically said he did not want to have facial hair this Halloween because of the past few years requiring it. So, we made him grandma. I got to be a man...AGAIN.

Goodwill never lets us down.

Despite popular opinion...Yannos was not wearing a silver turban. I even had a hairy chest.

All in all a great Halloween! Zoe even participated in a scream contest at the annual party we attend.
It was amazing.

Happy New Year!

Hello! Long time no see.

For anyone paying attention, I haven't been around since October. In the past I have needed to take breaks because I wasn't feeling great. The good news is, I'm feeling fine and I've been missing for quite the opposite reason. I've actually been working more than I have been able to since Zoe was born. It's still not a ton, but it feels good. Obviously, it takes away a lot of my free time.

I started this blog for a few different reasons, but a big one was since I had to be sitting and resting so much, the blog was a great way for me to do something more interesting with my down time.

I'm never a big fan when bloggers spend a lot of time lamenting how they don't keep up. Do it because you like it or don't do it. Taking a break wasn't a planned decision. It was just something that dropped off my list as my plate became more full. I also became frustrated with how Facebook holds updates ransom and it seemed most people weren't even seeing new posts.

The thing is, I have a lot to share and I like doing it here. So, I'll be doing a little re-capping this week (Halloween, the Anna dress fiasco, and weaning) and talking about some new things (healing my diastasis reci, P52, and my existential crisis).

Happy 2015! 

That Just Got Weird

Zoe ran up to a picture of an American flag on a box and declared, "THAT'S GOD BLESS AMERICA!"

Which of course led to me and Yannos singing a rousing rendition of the song.

Which OF COURSE led to Zoe's own special version...

It started off strong.

Ok. We're skipping a few words here.

Yep.

Ok, not the words, but it at least makes sense.

Ummm. No. What?

Miss Manners

I made a really great meal (curried butternut squash and coconut chicken red curry, if you're curious) and Yannos licked his plate clean.

Then ALL the plates

Zoe is unphased.

Then I do something COMPLETELY NORMAL...