I'm a 90 year old

I bet you didn't know that I'm actually a 90 year old woman. It's true. These young whippersnappers and their technology drive me crazy.

I remember the exact day I started hating mobile technology. It was 2008 and I was at an a cappella concert. The entire row of college girls in front of me was texting. The whole concert. To each other. I mean why bother coming?

Since then, it has just been a giant snowball of hatred. I hate when people text me. 98% of the time, it is easier to have a phone conversation about it. I hate when people check their email on their phone while they are over for dinner. Can't it wait 1 hour? I hate that cell phone companies charge you ridiculous amounts for data that hardly costs them anything just because they know people have to have their internet fix. I hate it all.

Friday I lost my phone at the zoo. I'm pretty sure this monkey took it. He looks so guilty.

Which reminds me of this video..."Monkey hate technology!"

I digress.

I had to change Zoe and I left my purse in the bathroom. When we got to the car two hours later and I didn't have car keys, I went back to the bathroom to look for my purse. I saw the strap of my purse sticking out of the diaper trash can. Let's ignore the fact that I dug through a trash can full of baby poop. My purse and wallet had been unzipped and rifled through, but the only thing that was missing was my cell phone. My 5-year old, does absolutely nothing but dials numbers, crap flip phone had been stolen over credit cards, cash, and target gift cards.

Now get this.

The only thing that upset me was the thought of having to get a stupid smart phone (last time I needed a new phone, they did not offer any without data plans).


Luckily, Verizon has since added back more basic phones that don't require data plans and I was able to ignore smart phones for another year or two.

But this also happened last weekend.

I said.

Out loud.

"I think I might get an iPad."

I have touched an iPad all of twice. I'm pretty sure this 99-year old knows more about them than I do.

I almost slapped myself. I have never once longed for mobile technology. Three things that sold me made me consider the possibility were.

1 - I have some extra personal money that I never use or spend and this seemed like a fun and useful treat/possible 30th birthday present to myself.

2 - My Aunt Tammy had this adorable program, uh app (?), that had pictures of animals and would say the name of the animal in Greek and Zoe loved it.

3 - My friend Tim showed me this Anatomy app (!) that would be super useful for my patient care since I don't have an office with books and models to do patient education.

So, I might have to end my anti-technology stance. It may just be time to give up and join the rest of society. After all, telling my 73-year old Nana not to text me seems a bit backwards.

Art Show Craziness! (part 2)

Where did we leave off?

Oh yeah. I was yelling and crying in the middle of an art show.

I think everyone is acting weird and they all think I'm being psycho.

Actually, both of the above statements are true.

1.) Everyone IS acting weird.

We arrive at home to the babysitter sitting in front of the T.V. with Zoe in his lap. Why is the baby who was sleeping when we left the house and sleeps through the night 99.9% of the time awake? All he had to do was sit in our house for 90 minutes.

While I'm running around the house to pay the babysitter, figure out what the heck is going on, and trying not to cry, everyone else is sitting in the living room weirdly smiling.

I sit in a chair with Zoe, waiting to say goodnight to everyone, so I can get her back to sleep without distraction.

Then, I start getting harassed to sit in a different chair.

I've pretty much had it at this point. Then Yannos says, "Just look at the wall!"

And there it is...

My painting.


I thought it was sold to someone else, but it's on my living room wall.


Which leads me to...


2.) I AM being psycho

I don't even care how or why it's back in our house, I just want to go to sleep. Everyone is all excited about this big surprise and I hate everything. You see, I had been feeling emotionally off for a few days. I thought I was pregnant and hoping that would explain my emotional roller coaster, but the test was negative. So I was back to being psycho.

The next morning, I took another test since it's not normal for me to go around crying and yelling at people. This time it was positive.

I went downstairs and admired my painting all morning.

I Remember Running

I feel like a giant jerk face for even saying I identified with a book about ALS, but I did. Let me start by saying that having MS is not even close to having ALS - besides the fact they are both neurological diseases.

I feel guilty finding similarities in the two because comparing a disease that is rarely fatal to a disease that is almost always fatal is like comparing the flu to pancreatic cancer. I like to read personal memoirs from people who have diseases. Mostly because I find it interesting, and partly because I treat people with these disorders and text books don't give you that human insight. Also, if I end up being able to recommend a book that will help someone through a rough patch, that's a plus too.

So, here are some passages that I really connected with from I Remember Running, The Year I Got Everything I Ever Wanted - and ALS by Darcy Wakefield.

"Someone asked me if I was prepared to be a different kind of mother than I'd always imagined. It was a good question - I always figured I'd be the mom who plays basketball with her kids and bikes and hikes and swims with them."

I don't think I am prepared for this. When I picture Zoe at running around age, I am right there with her. Running in the park until she's exhausted...passing a soccer ball for hours...playing at the beach all day. If I am honest with myself, I won't be doing these things with her. At least not for the time frame I would enjoy. I could probably kick a ball with her for 10 minutes, but that activity would make others not possible. Energy is on tight reserve. I can do moderate things all day, or I can do one high energy activity and then nothing else. I try hard not to put myself down for the things I can't do, but this statement really helped me.

"I know now that there are all kinds of mothers. The qualities that will make me a good mother are qualities I haven't lost with the ALS; that if anything they've only gotten stronger."

Another statement...

"These days, my body considers a good workout getting the groceries or doing the laundry, taking a shower or getting dressed."

Equating these daily activities to a workout is so spot on. In the middle of a relapse, I feel more tired after washing my hair than I used to feel after working out for 2 hours. My body works HARD to do these normal things. Caring for a 9 month old, taking a shower, and doing a load of laundry feels like a marathon. I certainly had no interest in running a marathon when I was healthy. Healthy me wouldn't have done the elliptical for 30 minutes, played racquetball for an hour, lifted weights for an hour, and gone to a 90 minutes yoga class all on the same day. If I had, I certainly wouldn't have expected to do the same thing the next day. I can't ask that of my body now. One thing a day. Two on super good days. More than that is unreasonable and unfair to ask of myself.

I really enjoyed reading this book and I appreciate that Darcy took time out of her too short life to write it.

Oh right. This is why we hate TV.

As Yannos says, "TV was made for these types of days."

We all had fevers, and the 3 of us had only slept 8 combined hours overnight. That number is usually 28.

Yannos had 102 fever, I felt like a zombie, and Zoe was crying every time the air touched her.

Oh air is always touching you? Correct. 

Since TV turns babies into zombies, it seemed like the perfect way to keep her occupied. We don't have cable, which we love, but it does make for some interesting programming. The only kids channel we get is Qubo. I guess Qubo is where kid shows go to die. I 100% love this little excerpt from their FAQs.

Q: Where did the name Qubo come from?


A: The name Qubo is a made up word.

Amazing.

Anyways. This show Gofrette was on. Which is a French-Canadian show from 2007.

Maybe it was the sickness, but we hated it.

We especially hated that the voice of Greta the Gorilla was a sassy black lady. Really, Canada?



Our favorite thing about watching antenna TV are the CRAZY commercials. I feel like I am watching TV from the early 90's.

Here is the new winner...

 

These are seriously weird. Also, these are the only things I am giving away as presents for the next year. 

The moment we turned the TV off, Zoe started crying. 1 hour of kid's TV and I already made a monster. 

Maybe she will love her bright light pillow?